Wednesday, May 21, 2008

It's not funny you poon!

I just received one of those ridiculous "girls, we're all in the same boat with our fat thighs, love of chocolate and shoes, my boss and co-workers are inconsiderate nazis, let's embrace and flaunt our ability to be a bitch, all men are fat, lazy and not as smart as women " desperate attempt to be a joke (but it's not even remotely funny) emails.

For your reference I have copied that crap email below in the off chance you have no idea what type of crap I'm talking about...

30 THINGS A STRESSED WOMAN MAY SAY AT WORK

1. Okay, okay! I take it back. Unfuck you.
2. You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.
3. Well, this day was a total waste of make-up.
4. Well, aren't we a goddamn ray of sunshine?
5. Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after.
6. Do I look like a people person?
7. This isn't an office. It's hell with fluorescent lighting.
8. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.
9. Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose.
10. Why don't you try practicing random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self-control?
11. I'm not crazy. I've been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
12. Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.
13. Do they e ver sh ut up on your planet?
14. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.
15. Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't gone to sleep yet.
16. Back off!! You're standing in my aura.
17. Don't worry. I forgot your name too.
18. I work 45 hours a week to be this poor.
19. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
20. Wait ... I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
21. Chaos, panic and disorder ... my work here is done.
22. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
23. You look like shit. Is that the style now?
24. Earth is full. Go home.
25. Aw, did I step on your poor little itty bitty ego?
26. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
27. A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.
28. You are depriving some village of an idiot.
29. If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport.
30. Look deeply into my eyes ... Do you see one ounce of give-a-shit?

I hate these.

Don't email this crap to me. It's not funny...not even when some fuck prints one of these zingers on a t-shirt and you feel compelled to buy/wear it because you can "so relate." Fuck off...if you find any of the above even mildly amusing--I hate you.

Google...Doug Stanhope...that is funny

Here endeth the lesson.

1 comment:

Love2befit said...

Bowing to your greatness once again!