Shit that pisses me off..

A work in progress...

-“decorative” toilet brush holders
-corporate speak….”fastrack”…”grow the business”…”happy Friday”…”blocker”…”hot action item” “forward-thinking”
-matching bathroom sets…toothbrush holder, cup, trash can
-geese or duck statues that are dressed according to the holidays
-wood paneling
-people who are ALWAYS cold
-the non-word “sammich”
-the sound a nail clipper makes…gag
-brake tappers
-“girl’s night”
-jazz
-Kenny Chesney
-fake tan
-suntan oil
-cat breath
-skid marks and hangerons in a public restroom
-mojito
-couples who call each other “babe”
-broadway shows
-fanny packs
-“play that funky music white boy” by wild cherry
-romantic comedies
-jazz hands
-seashells as bathroom décor
-the color mauve
-tube tops
-goatees
-tribal tattoos
-the country guy who calls in to radio shows that feels the need to express how funny he thought the last bit was
-the girl that calls in to the Lex & Terry radio show and wants to say (unsolicited) the word “panties” that she’s rehearsed repeatedly before calling in, in hopes to be told she sounds hot saying it
-flip flops
-crystal light
-the assumption that typing in all caps somehow means you’ve raised your voice
-that green m&m and her hooker boots
-bad breath
-Capri pants
-confederate flags…anywhere
-hummers…(the vehicle)
-frappuccinos
-flats (dress shoes)
-wind chimes
-people who pronounce praline, caramel, pecan and coupon as: “pray-leen” “cahr-muhl” “pee-can” “q-pawn”
-lounge shirts for men
-men’s cologne
-sour candy
-thongs
-cheap wall décor (metal candle holding wall sconces from target and the like…I actually have one of these…and it pisses me off)
-white wicker anything
-outdoor holiday flag banners
-Thomas Kinkade
-Apple/Mac stickers on cars
-Bluetooth users...go fuck yourself
-smoothies
-restaurants that feature tits and ass as wait staff
-coyote ugly…movie and establishments
-thrift store “fashion”
-sun tanning
-gold chains
-acoustic "rock"
-sorority and fraternity crap
- self-aggrandizing shirts that say “drama queen” “princess” “rockstar” “player” etc etc
-workout or sleep pants that have something retarded across the ass such as “cutie” “hottie” “go bulls” etc etc
-people who have to add “baby” after shit when you ask them a simple geography question…Q-Where did you go on vacation? A-Vegas, Baby!....Q-Where are you from? A-Los Angeles, Baby!
-line dancing
-guys who wear white athletic shoes...when they are not working out
-valentine’s day
-karaoke
-outdoor festivals
-earth day
-dream catchers
-French pedicures…gag
-grapefruit
-times new roman font
-brass home fixtures
-power bars
-marathons
-tailgating
-sporting events
-those hummer limos…..sooooo douchey
-dog parks
-new year’s eve
-new country music
-really pointy toe shoes
-faux animal print anything
-office parties (pizza, holiday, donut meetings etc etc)
-high fives
-young families…mom dad around 26—36 with 2-3 kids all under the age of 7…shopping in Whole Foods or Central Market for their organic diets
-Kid Chow…a children’s lunch delivery service for rich assholes
-new homes with “mud rooms”
-emo and screamo…not really sure there’s a difference here
-people who fart in the grocery store aisle and act like they don’t smell anything
-corporate world pleasantries…”thanks for sending over those yummy goodies…we just want to knock off early and stuff ourselves with treats” gag!
-people who use the words treats and goodies
-convertibles
-feng shui
-those big redneck trucks with the big tires
-Microsoft everything
-the word…pasta
-Angelina jolie
-gynochologists, proctologists and podiatrists…there is just something wrong with these people
-faux leather…like payless shoes
-groupies
-child beauty pageants and the parents
-mary kay sales people
-rich people in general
-people who call shots…shooters
-people who think tom cruise is hot
-people who own every season of friends on dvd
-Amy Winehouse
-Fans of Amy Winehouse…”oh she’s just so talented!”…really???...I mean really???????
-kiosk salespeople
-carnival patrons
-“my bad”
-“hunks”…big beefy guys that are exotic dancers or used in calendars
-the women who find “hunks” attractive
-magical fairytale weddings
-celebrity news and worship
-greeting card humor
-the word “gentle”…it just sounds dirty
-Willow from Buffy…blech
-the “cool” hot chick…you know the ones that are so cool they fart, burp, pick their nose…you’re not cool…you’re a pig
-the guys that find the “cool” hot chick, cool and hot
-road rage…really…what’s the point
-couple’s who share myspace pages or have their own web site
-dots…those cheap m&m knockoffs that your school cafeteria would try to pass off as real m&ms -white eyeshadow
-any contestant that cries on the bachelor
-slutty Halloween costumes…such as “stripper strawberry shortcake” “hooker Dorothy” “hooker Alice in Wonderland” etc etc
-barbwire tattoo arm bands
-necklaces that feature some sort of animal tooth
-jewelry that has feathers
-turquoise
-southwest décor…ick (howling coyotes, dream catchers, Georgia o’keefe)
-the campbell soup kids
-Comic Strips (Garfield, The Family Circus, Hi & Lois, Sally Forth, Kathy)
-cheap Halloween candy (Bingo, Now & Later, Smarties)
-people singing “Happy Birthday”, especially in a restaurant by the wait staff
-wait staff that don’t leave you the fuck alone….”can I start you off with some appetizers?” …”would you like some more water?...how about some more water?….would you like some more water?…how is everything?….more water? Did you save room for dessert?...coffee, tea?...how about some more water?”
-wait staff that never leave you the fuck alone during the meal however fall off the face of the earth when you want the fucking check
-people in cars that pause for you to cross the street…HEY…good Samaritan!...you can drive faster than I can fucking walk so just fucking go instead of making me feel like I have to fucking rush to get out of your god damn way!
-Lucky Charms…those fucking marshmallows are your only saving grace
-those wood puzzles for young children that should come with an advisory that if your fucking kid cant figure out where the 3 fucking blocks go they should be removed from the gene pool now
-“I’m 99.9% sure”
-mechanical pencils
-papa john’s pizza
-myspace glitter tag comments with “sexy” cartoon chicks
-Brunch
-really big, heavily ornate carved wood furniture
-moon, star, sun anything
-getting in the car when it’s a super hot day
-getting in someone else’s car on a super hot day and they immediately close all the doors and dilly dally around before turning on the AC
-when you make a statement “I’m hot”…and they immediately say…”It’s not hot in here”….mother fucker…I’M hot!
-businesses with “clever” names…Hair salon: A Cut Above; Sheer Designs; Headlines; The Crop Shop; Laundromat: This Sud’s For You; Candle Store: Wicks and Sticks: Eye glass store: Accessor-Eyes
-Candle Stores
-Incense...stinky smoky shit
-candles shaped like anything, especially wizards and dragons
-gothic jewelry
-pewter figurines
-lawn ornaments…gnomes, little stone children fishing, etc etc
-water parks
-“dancin’ shoes”
-boogie
-carrot cake…gag
-when people say a dessert is “too rich”....fuck off you know it’s good
-magicians
-female radio DJs
-female comedians…we get it…ALL men are pigs and not as smart as women and ALL women will kill for chocolate and shoes
-text messaging…..whips my ass!
-tshirts with cats on them
-stirrup pants
-the email I just got from Old Navy stating “Jellies are back!”
-Jellies
-Women who wear Jellies
-the new wave of no smoking in BARS…what the fuck?!?!?!?!?!
-guys who still wear ponytails….it only worked for The Highlander
-small paperclips
-white people who bring their own "environment friendly" cloth shopping bags...go fuck yourself

....a work in progress....